Tuesday 30 June 2015

Breaking News - Blue Skies over England!

In shocking news this week, blue skies have been spotted over England and reports are coming in of a 'strange yellow ball in the sky'.

Police across the country have been inundated with calls from concerned locals reporting that their clouds are missing. Fearing that these little fluffy additions to our skyline have been stolen, a full scale hunt has been initiated by New Scotland Yard and it is anticipated that the usual suspects will be rounded up for questioning by the end of the week.

A state of national emergency has been declared with Heat Warnings issued by government bodies who warn that "There is an 80 % probability of heatwave conditions between 1200 on Tuesday and 0600 on Thursday in parts of England.".

They go on to state "Heatwaves can be dangerous, especially for the very young or very old or those with chronic disease. Advice on how to reduce the risk either for yourself or somebody you know can be obtained from NHS Choices at www.nhs.uk/summerhealth, NHS 111 or from your local chemist.".

In the rest of the world this is called Summer!!!

Wednesday 17 June 2015

It's been a while, and no I don't give a fuck that John Snow is dead.

So I just logged in to this thing for the first time in quite a while and it took me straight to a page called "Adding new expressions to Blogger templates", followed by shit-loads of waffle about coding this and concatenating that... I mean seriously, who gives a crap?!

I only logged in to write a post about how much I hate all of the twats who have been droning on and on and on, flooding the anti-social-networks with their incessant whining about how awful it was that John Snow died and to make matters worse they didn't even have the fucking decency to wait until I'd watched the episode first.

Wankers.