Wednesday, 4 October 2017

Stolen Quotes

I occasionally find interesting shit when I'm browsing so I'll share my favourites as and when I can be bothered.

I'm not going to tell you where I find them because frankly if you can't use Google to do a bit of cyber-stalking you shouldn't be online.

"When we allow ourselves to break and soften, we can nurture the part of ourselves that actually needs help." - a bit sappy but kinda relevant given the fucked up shit going down this week.

Saturday, 23 September 2017

Nothing new

We've just passed the vernal equinox so it's dark nights all the way from here but the inevitble darkness is nothing when compared to the ever-increasing crap being slung in the directon of North Korea by president fart.
It should by now be obvious to anyone with a brain that the primary concern of the current POTUSA is to divert attention from the fact that he's failed to live up to any of his election promises, has failed to have any positive effect whatsoever on the state of affairs in the USA and is in every regard a complete waste of DNA who appears to genuinely believe that saying something is Fake News actually makes it fake (although sadly there are lots of Americans who also think this is the way of things).

Armed with a new-found sense of frustration he apparently also believes that threatening NK in the most public (and least diplomatic) ways possible will make his popularity soar, after all everyone knows that the best way to the hearts and minds of red-blooded, true Americans is to start a war. 

Sadly, listening to the chatter surrounding his verbal diarrhea I'm bound to consider that this tactic seems to work and the sheep are falling in line behind him, despite knowing that war with NK could result in the slaughter of a third of the world's population in the initial onslaught, another third in the aftermath and the rest in th fallout. It's like Cuba all over again, but a lot scarier because of the egos involved. 

Still it coul be worse, someone could actually let him near 'the' button...

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Breaking News - Blue Skies over England!

In shocking news this week, blue skies have been spotted over England and reports are coming in of a 'strange yellow ball in the sky'.

Police across the country have been inundated with calls from concerned locals reporting that their clouds are missing. Fearing that these little fluffy additions to our skyline have been stolen, a full scale hunt has been initiated by New Scotland Yard and it is anticipated that the usual suspects will be rounded up for questioning by the end of the week.

A state of national emergency has been declared with Heat Warnings issued by government bodies who warn that "There is an 80 % probability of heatwave conditions between 1200 on Tuesday and 0600 on Thursday in parts of England.".

They go on to state "Heatwaves can be dangerous, especially for the very young or very old or those with chronic disease. Advice on how to reduce the risk either for yourself or somebody you know can be obtained from NHS Choices at, NHS 111 or from your local chemist.".

In the rest of the world this is called Summer!!!

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

It's been a while, and no I don't give a fuck that John Snow is dead.

So I just logged in to this thing for the first time in quite a while and it took me straight to a page called "Adding new expressions to Blogger templates", followed by shit-loads of waffle about coding this and concatenating that... I mean seriously, who gives a crap?!

I only logged in to write a post about how much I hate all of the twats who have been droning on and on and on, flooding the anti-social-networks with their incessant whining about how awful it was that John Snow died and to make matters worse they didn't even have the fucking decency to wait until I'd watched the episode first.


Thursday, 3 January 2013

Crappy Fucking New Year

So it's 2013. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.

The year started with a bang. A fucking enormous series of bangs in fact, costing the tax payer millions of pounds which quite frankly could have been better utilised feeding and housing the nameless thousands trying to survive just a few miles away from the London Eye.

No new year resolutions for me this year as I really can't be bothered to lie to myself by promising yet more shit which I won't be able to accomplish. It's just another 365 days of shit to endure as best I can, so I may as well enjoy some vices along the way.

And that's all I can be bothered to write today. I'm going to get pissed now.

Fuck you all.

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Just a tracking code

For crawler use only - not a plug, promo or any other form of advertising. In fact, I have no idea what's behind this link so probably best not to click it.

Friday, 26 October 2012

Blue Badge Abusers Must Die (or at least get a nasty cold)!

And so we move onto a pet hate of mine... those inconsiderate, narrow minded, holier-than-though morons who abuse disabled parking facilities. You know who you are!

There are three types of offender who REALLY piss me off. The first group are the selfish bastards who have absolutely not disability whatsoever (and no badge) and therefore no right to park in the measly number of slots allocated to the disabled just so they have to walk ten paces less to buy their all important lottery scratch-card.

As a legitimate blue badge holder I've lost track of the number of times I've been forced to walk an uncomfortable distance from the nearest non-disabled parking bay because the space I was hoping for is occupied by a lazy twat with no right to be there.

A few weeks ago I was about to pull into a blue-badge space when a moron with no badge cut me up and jumped into the space. I lifted my badge to show him the error of his choice and he looked me dead in the eye, shrugged and mouthed "Don't care" and walked off. It was so tempting to block him in, get out of my car and pound my walking stick through his windscreen... soooooo tempting!

Next, and possibly worse, come the people who somehow manage to blag a blue badge from their local authority when they clearly have absolutely need for it whatsoever. These are the leeches of society who are slowly bleeding the rest of us dry just so they can avoid paying the occasional parking fee.

The ones who really piss me off though are those who claim a blue badge because they're fat. FAT! These fat, lazy fuckers should be forced to show a red badge when they park  which entitles them to a special parking space at the BACK of the car park, forcing them to get up of their lazy arses and walk a few extra yards in the hope they may shed some of their excessive blubber and stop bleeding this nation's healthcare resources dry!

Obesity is NOT a disability, it's a lifestyle choice and if you're suffering with difficulties as a result of this choice, get of f your backside, change what you eat and get your body moving. Grrr!

Recently we've been having a few issues at work with the car park filling up very early every day. Luckily, we have a blue badge spot at work, right outside my office building which I rely heavily upon but earlier this week I seem to have been losing the spot to someone not displaying a badge. I challenged this with reception and was informed that the owner 'apparently has a blue badge..." and sure enough, 10 minutes later she popped down and displayed half of it.

It struck me as amusing that someone who has had no issue parking for a few years could suddenly find the need to use 'their' blue badge when the rest of the car park was full, but I shrugged it off and stuck the car in a directors' bay.

This morning, however, I almost laughed out loud... As I pulled into the car park I saw her dropping into the bay outside the office. It was almost 09:00 so she was obviously running a bit late. Running being the operative word. She jumped out of her car and RAN across the car park into the office! Well I was livid that someone so obviously not in need of a badge could take the spot of someone so obviously in need of one.

Finally are the worst offenders of all, the "I have a badge in the car, it's not mine but I'm in a hurry/can't be arsed to walk so I'll use it anyway". These people are just mindless scum and I'm happy to say that my local council have started randomly phoning blue badge holders to be sure they are in fact parked where their badge is (I know this because I had a call last week whilst out shopping).

Fingers crossed these selfish morons will have the proverbial book thrown at them.